Saturday, January 29, 2011

Frosty the Snowman: A Tale of Terror and Holiday Cheer

Woops! I haven't done one of these in a long time. I meant to post this little ditty sometime during Christmas, but at first it seemed rather irreverent, then I just plum forgot about it.
So anyway...
A long while back, after posting the rewritten "Every Body (Backstreet's Back)" lyrics, I received the following challenge via comment from none other than M.A.D. (aka Mary Ann DeBorde; reader, writer, and fellow zombie lit enthusiast):
Mary Ann: Okay. I am now OFFICIALLY tossing down the gauntlet to ya (hehe)
ZG: Bring it!
Mary Ann: Let's see what morbid, post-mortem deliciousness you can do with... FROSTY THE SNOWMAN!
ZG: *gasp!* Oh, it's on like Donkey Kong!

And now, without further ado, or faux-macho posturing, I give you the dark and twisted tale of...

Frosty the Snowman
Frosty the snowman was a dark and twisted soul,
With a brimstone pipe and a broken nose
And two eyes that burned like coals.
Frosty the snowman is a fairy tale, they say,
He died in the snow but the children
Know he came back to life one day.
There must have been a curse trapped in that
Old candle they found.
For when they burned it on his grave
On his coffin he did pound.
O, Frosty the snowman
Was alive as he could be,
And the children say he would slice
And flay and come after you and me.
Thumpetty thump thump,
Thumpety thump thump,
Look out, here he comes!
Thumpetty thump thump,
Thumpety thump thump,
The devil's on the run.

Frosty the snowman knew
He'd soon meet his demise,
So he said, "Let's run,
We'll kill everyone
Now before I'm exorcised."
Down to the village,
With a big blade in his hand,
Running here and there all
Around the square hissing,
"Catch me if you can."
He led them down the streets of town
Right to the traffic cop.
His blade never paused a moment
Even when he hollered "Stop!"
But Frosty the snow man
Was banished by a priest,
But he waved goodbye saying,
"I can't die,
I'll be back again to feast."
Thumpetty thump thump,
Thumpety thump thump,
Look out, here he comes!
Thumpetty thump thump,
Thumpety thump thump,
The devil's on the run.

Share that one with the kiddies. On second thought, don't. It even creeps me out, and it came my brian!


Just A Mom (Call me JAM for short) said...

My kid would love it. But he's a 14 year old boy and they love that kind of stuff!

Thanks for stopping by and offering your congrats to Carma. That's how I feel when I don't win too...

Zombie Girrrl said...

Glad someone would enjoy my rather disturbing retelling of a Christmas classic.
Thanks for following, JAM!

Mad Scientist said...

I just love this morbid tale!

Amazing job... bravo.

Please do stop by for a spot of tea or to browse over my new Steampunkery review up... Clockworks and Corsets.

Mad Scientist
Steampunkery & Book Reviews
Forbidden Steam  Adult- even the Mad Scientist gets naughty!

vvb32 reads said...

LOL - excellent - such a twisted frosty indeed.

Zombie Girrrl said...

Thanks, V. :)

I just realized that I said this came my "brian", not my brain. Oops. And furthermore, who is Brian and why is he feeding me blog content?!

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