Saturday, October 30, 2010

M.A.D. Challenge #2 (Dung) Beatles Mania!

Or is it #3?... Whichever it is, it is late, and I apologize.
Anyhoo! For this M.A.D. Challenge, Mary Ann and I decided that we would each pick our own song to mangle, er, I mean rewrite, and I have chosen...

While My Guitar Gently Weeps
or as I like to call it...
While the Maggots Slowly Eat

I look at my flesh and I see that it's seathing
While the maggots slowly eat
I open my mouth and blowflies come forth swarming
Still the maggots slowly eat

I don't know why someone embalmed you
It only slows decay
I don't know how someone could mourn you
They should have burned you
Entombed beneath the world I notice that it's turning
While the maggots slowly eat
My coffin my cell my slice of hell in which I'm burning
Still the maggots slowly eat

I've got a plan and I won't be diverted
I will break out of here
I don't know how death was perverted
I am personified fear

I look at you all you are fruit ripe for reaping
While the maggots slowly eat
I look at you all
Like my maggots I will eat

There's actually a bit of a story behind this choice. I love this song, but that's not really why I chose it. I'm currently reading Dust by Joan Frances Turner, which I won during Zombie Month, and one of the characters is, shall we say, more alive than the rest. He's got a veritable ecosystem beneath his skin and there's a constant buzzing, chewing sound that comes from him. I call it his munchy noise. Well, I was listening to this song and thinking about what it would be like be eaten alive, slowly and with full awareness, and the first line popped into my head. Okay, so maybe it's not much a story, but it is an explanation of my choice and my inspiration.

Until we meat again, happy feeding!

Friday, October 29, 2010

M.A.D.'s Marvy Contest Du Jour

M.A.D. is having her first ever contest over at Mary Ann Deborde Reads (and Writes!). I'm feeling kinda bullet points-y today, so I'm gonna give y'all the low down on why you should enter this contest. Que bullet points!
  • M.A.D. happens to be a superb blogger type person with a wicked imagination and an odd streak a mile wide, so this contest does not lack in M.A.D.isms!
  • The book up for grabs is The Host by Stepahnie Meyer, and before you condemn this as yet another abomination of book-kind, let me tell ya a little secret: The Host is everything that Twilight wished it could be. It's an awesome book, trust me. It's chocked full of parasitic space-worms and super-secret survivalist colonies. What more could a girl ask for?
  • There are foil hats involved. 'Nough said.
  • Reading this book will help you survive an alien invasion. And let's face it, if the zombies don't get us, it'll be the aliens. Or maybe the zombies will come from space! In either case, this is essential reading. ;)
It's open to US only and ends November 10th at midnight, so don't dilly-dally! Oh, and in case you missed all the handy linky-loos above, here's one you can't miss... CLICK HERE TO ENTER!
Good luck!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Contest Reminders

  • Orchid and Dahlia's Duel Mega Blogoversary and Contest ends tomorrow at midnight, and I feel compelled to tell y'all that the prizepack has been sweetened by a signed copy Peeps by Scott Westerfeld! I can attest to its signosity as I was there! Scott was really nice and he gave an awesome presentation on his newest release Behemoth. But I digress. A lot.
  • Orchid's giveaway of The Half-Made World  by Felix Gilman ends Oct 31. This is an awesome sounding steampunk novel that Orchid has given her seal approval. You can eneter here, and she'll have a review of it up very soon.
  • And lastly, Sparkling Reviews' super generous Kindle giveaway will soon begin! They only need 33 more followers before they reach the 500 mark and open the contest. But until that time, sign up early and often. Yes, often! You can enter daily for this one, folks!
Good luck, ya'll!

Adventures in Catechism: The Treacherous Waters of Unexpected Questions

In this (partly fictionalized but mostly true) episode of Adventures in Catechism1 we will follow Gemma Zimmerman (aka Zombie Girrl), a first-time catechist, as she navigates The Treacherous Waters of Unexpected Questions...

It was a sunny Sunday two weeks ago, and all was right in the world, more or less. The Confirmation Class had gone fairly well. Not many people had come that week, but the discussion had been fruitful and lively. We had been discussing the kids' roles in the Church and what it means to be a member of the Body of Christ, and were just wrapping up for the end, when Cecilia2, one of the candidates (i.e. student), raised her hand and asked, "Okay, but what if you go through all this and then you decide that you're an atheist?"
I traded a quick Look with my senior co-catechist, Ana. You take this one, her Look says to me. Yipes! Seriously? God, help me!
"Well, firstly, that'd be a sin, and a big one too, because you'd be denying that God exists, which is a serious failure in love," I said, condensing everything I had read on the subject.
I was met, not with nodding and understanding as I had expected, but with a slow blink and, "Yeah, but would happen?"
Thinking that I knew what it was she was getting at, I said, "Okay, by saying that God doesn't exist and denying His love, you are telling God that you A) don't need Him, which is a lie that stems from pride, and B) that you don't want Him in your life, which is a mortal sin. If you die in this state, denying God as your Creator and only means of Salvation, you will go to hell because, as much as it pains God to see it happen, He will not force Himself on you by going against what you chose and making you spend an eternity in His glorious Presence. It's to do with free will; God gave us free will so that we could choose freely to love and serve Him. Does that help?" I added hopefully.
Cecilia furrowed her brow and asked, "But how can you go to hell? If you don't believe in hell, than hell doesn't exist. It's not real," she said in a completely logical tone.
I thought, This is way worse than I thought. She's talking about relativism! How many of them think this way? "Okay, you're saying that if a person doesn't believe something than it's not real. What if you didn't believe that the sky was blue? Does that it a different color?"
Michael, ever the gentleman, raises his hand before saying, "But it's not blue. It just looks that way because of the oceans reflection."
"But that's beside the point--" I start.
"That's not why the sky is blue!" interjects Edward, another candidate, "It's because of the angle of the--"
"Okay, guys," Ana says in her take-charge way, "the point is not 'why is the sky blue?' Let's try to focus for a few  more minutes, okay?"
Thank you, Ana!
"Okay!" I say, shaking off the sense of desperation. "Let's say there's a guy in West Virginia who has never had nor seen electricity. Someone tells him about it, but he says it's hogwash and not real. He doesn't believe in electricity; does that mean that electricity doesn't exist?"
Michael raises his hand again, "Well, it doesn't exist for him," he states baldly.
I take a deep breath and wonder if they're pushing my buttons or if they're just really bad at analogies. "Maybe," I say, "but electricity does exist, just like God exists for everyone in every time no matter if they choose to believe or not. It doesn't depend on whether you choose to believe in Him or not, He is still the Truth. Okay?"
I look around hopefully and am met with silence. Pins drop. Crickets chirp. Stomachs rumble. The whole nine yards.
Ana and I trade another Look: Class is nearly over, her Look says, maybe we should move on and call it a day-- No! I Look back at her, Just give me another minute. We need to cover this.
I grab Plan B from my bag and flip madly to the index, locating the passages I'm looking for in record time. When in doubt..."The Catechism of the Catholic Church says 'Hell's principle punishment consists of eternal separation from God... [CCC 1057],'" I state, "So by choosing not to have faith and separating yourself from God in this life, you are in effect choosing hell in the next life. It also says that, 'Atheism is often based on a false conception of human autonomy, exaggerated to the point of refusing any dependence on God [CCC 2126],' and this is what you're saying when you claim that hell only exists if you believe in it; you're saying that we are separate and independent of God and that everything depends on us and what we believe. This isn't true. We rely on God for everything, whether we acknowledge that dependence or not. Atheism is a sin against the first commandment, we covered that last week, guys. God doesn't want anyone to go to hell. He loves us all and wants to spend eternity with us; it's why He sent His only Son, Jesus, to redeem us. It's why He created you! Furthermore, He wants you to be in His Church; that's why He went to all the trouble of founding it. Does that answer your question?"
Cecilia gives a noncommital reply.
"Okay," Ana says with finality, "Let's close with prayer. In the name of the Father..."

After the closing prayer, before they've had a chance to scatter to the four winds, I raise my hand, almost involuntarily, to share a story that had just come to mind, "One final point:" I say, "Do you want to know where the true Cross is?" My question is met with a few murmurs, though they do seem interested, so I go on, "It's at the gates of hell, and Christ will do anything to keep a soul from passing through those gates." Thank you, Deacon Jim, for relating that story!
I look around at all their faces; they look thoughtful. Or maybe they're just hungry. Who knows. I can only hope that it's the former rather the latter.
As I gather my papers and whatnot, Ana says, "Nice analogy!" I smile at her complement. I can only hope that it helped.

After the kids have gone, Ana and I sit down to discuss the class.
"Where did that come from?" I ask.
"Well," she says, "it could just be curiosity, or maybe she's having doubts. At least she's asking questions."
"That's not even what I'm most concerned about."
"It's not?"
"No. Didn't you get what was implied? They were saying that religion, salvation, morality, truth, everything is relative. I just read a book that went over it3. I wish I could make them read it--"
"But they won't. They already have a ton and half of homework. We can't pile more on them. Their plates are full."
Yeah, I think, full of junk food. "Well the book said, and it was a really good point, that relativism is due in large part to our society. They've been taught that everyone is right, and that means that everyhting is relative to what a person chooses to believe. They think that Christians will go to heaven or hell because that's what they believe; and that atheists will, I don't know, just cease to exist or be reincarnated as dolphins or something because that's what they believe. Do you understand what that means? They could just decide that being Catholic is too hard, and it is hard, become atheists, and never bat an eye because they won't believe that there are consequences! We need to go into this further."
Ana is quiet for a moment, probably wondering how she ended up with such a worry-wort partner.
"We'll do a recap next week and go over the discussion we had at the end," she says. "Beyond that, the only thing I can think to do is give Cecilia Did Adam and Eve Have Bellybuttons?4. That should answer any questions she may have."

That class is over and done with, but I'm still worried about what that brief discussion implied about their basic belief system: Relativism. This is a big problem these days. Our culture teaches us that freedom means that everyone is right about everything, and that truth is relative to what you choose to believe. It teaches us that there is no such thing as absolute truth, when there is.
I'll use morality as an example, because it's the most relativised thing ever, and to be super specific so I don't end up rambling on and on, I'll use a candidates questionnaire I read the other day.
One question in particular really got me thinking about how relative morality has become in mainstream culture: "Should an unborn fetus be treated as a separate victim if it is harmed or killed due to an attack or accident inflicted on the mother?" The answers were as near to unanimous as you get; every single candidate, save one, said Yes. Yet how many of them think that an unborn child need not be treated as a human being if it is unwanted? How many of them hold that, if the child is wanted, it is to have all the dignity and protection that you and I receive, but if it is an unwanted child, it is to be treated as something disposable? How can they be so hypocritical as to justify the innately evil act of taking an innocent life when they all agreed that to kill an unborn child, even by accident, was a crime unto itself? And furthermore, how stupid do they think we are that we wouldn't notice their inconsistencies and call them out on such?
Although, how many of us have noticed and simply don't care? How many have been deluded and mislead into thinking that having a double standard for the value of life based on desire for the life at stake is a perfectly logical bases of such a cruel double standard?
Pilate asked, "What is truth?"
Christ answered, "I am the Truth."
We know the Truth, why do we continue to live in opposition to it?

1 As I said once briefly, I am now a catechist at my church. I help instruct the Confirmation class every Sunday. At first I was afraid that the teens would be... well, teenagery, i.e. scary. I remember teens being very frightening people when I was one, but they're actually really good kids as far as I can tell. Pretty well behaved, though they have trouble focusing. But then, apparently so do I.

2 All names have been changed for safety's sake. That includes mine. If you actually think my innitials just happen to be GZ while my online persona just happens be ZG, you are sadly mistaken. And also a little bit oblivious. But I'll let that slide.

3 Living the Catholic Faith: Rediscovering the Basics by Chrales J. Chaput, O.F.M., Cap.

4 Did Adam and Eve... is a book of that answers 101 questions that teenagers have asked concerning faith and the Church. It's really quite helpful and also kinda funny.

5  If you've stuck with me this long and have read the entire article, I am now giving you a long-distance cyber-hug! I love writing, but I love it even more when people read what I write. Otherwise, I wouldn't post online. I'd write on napkins. Or in the sand.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Two Fairly Awesome Contests That You Might Want to Check Out...

Ochid and and Dahlia are celebarting their second blogoversaries with a duel mega contest! There's a pretty big prizepack on the line which includes several of their favorite books and an arm load of swag.
Orchid is also giving away a copy of The Half-Made World by Felix Gilman, courtesy of the Felix's PR guru.

Disclaimer: These contests are open to U.S. citizens only and are subject to awesome. Offers for Mega Blogoversary and Half-Made World end Oct 28 and Oct 31 respectively. Odds of winning are increased by entering.

ZG out.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

My Take On: Angus, Thongs, and Full Frontal Snogging by Louise Rennison

There are six things very wrong with my life:
1. I have one of those under-the-skin spots that will never come to a head but lurk in a red way for the next two years.
2. It is on my nose
3. I have a three-year-old sister who may have peed somewhere in my room.
4. In fourteen days the summer hols will be over and then it will be back to Stalag 14 and Oberfuhrer Frau Simpson and her bunch of sadistic teachers.
5. I am very ugly and need to go into an ugly home.
6. I went to a party dressed as a stuffed olive.

In this wildly funny journal of a year in the life of Georgia Nicolson, British author Louise Rennison has perfectly captured the soaring joys and bottomless angst of being a teenager. In the spirit of Bridget Jones's Diary, this fresh, irreverent, and simply hilarious book will leave you laughing out loud. As Georgia would say, it's "Fabbity fab fab!"
This book was seriously the funniest thing I've read all year. Maybe the funniest thing this decade! And that  means it was the funniest thing this millennium, which is truly something to write home about.
Georgia Nicholson, age fourteen, is an entirely self-centered individual. So much so that she literally can't see beyond her own nose. Usually this would be a mark against a character, but the narration was so much fun to read because of it. Another thing that made this such a joy to read was the Britishisms. I didn't know that colloquial British and American differed on so many points! I mean, sure, everybody knows about the whole loo vs bathroom thing, and knickers vs underwear/panties, but seriously? Curb spelled with a K? Cat suit? Pips? Sellotape? Bangers? Say whaaaa??? Thankfully, there was an indepth glossary at the back which Georgia herself refers you to in the beginning of the book in a very funny introduction.
My fave Georgia-ism was "nuddy-pants" which she eloquently explained thusly:
"Nuddy-pants: Quite literally nude-colored pants, and you what nude-colored pants are? They are no pants. So if you are in your nuddy-pants you are in your no pants, i.e., you are naked."
My only objection to this book is the maturity with which this fourteen-year-old girl was portrayed. Georgia lived her life something like an out of control nineteen year old; attending co-ed sleepover parties, chasing after legal-aged sex gods, and generally behaving in a way that a parent should have found objectionable but for some unknown reason didn't. It may be cultural differences, I don't know, but I had to mentally age-up George just so I didn't get tummy wubbles from all her misguided shenanigans.
Aside from that, though, I absolutely loved this book! The characters were great, the format was perfect (some journal-style books have a hard time getting across the character as well as the scene, but this one had the perfect balance of both with the bonus of witty dialogue!), and the story had me laughing out loud.
I give Angus, Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging...
Five zombies!
Giving this book a five out of five was a no brainer. I read it in one day, practically one sitting, and went on to devour the second in a similar fashion. I highly recommend this book, though I not to readers of the same age as the protagonist. Young girls can learn a lot about what not to do, partcularly in the field of eyebrow maintenance, but the best part was reading between the lines and shaking your head at Georgia's hilarious misadventures. But that's just my take.

Happy reading!!!

Saturday, October 9, 2010

M.A.D. Challenge Numero Uno, Big Willie Style

With the knowledge that two rotting brains are better than one, and twice as fun, Mary Ann DeBorde and I concocted the wonderfully wicked M.A.D. Challenge! Each week, we will challenge each other to twist a classic song, theme song, or whatever into a truly frightful or simply bizarre re-creation.
You may remember my take on the Backstreet Boy's "Every Body"? Well, that was just the beginning...
So to truly kick off the festivities, I give you...
Flesh Prince of Bel-Air

Now this is the story all about how
my after-life got flipped, turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became prince of a town called Bel-air

Iiiiinnn West Philadelphia, died and raised
In the graveyard is where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out, maxing, relaxing all cool
And all chewin' on fingers outside of the school
When a couple of guys, they were up to no good
Started shooting zombies in my neighborhood
I took one little bite and they all got scared
And said, "I'm going to my aunty's bunker in Bel-air!"

They whistled for a cab, and when it came near
The license plate said "FLESH", clumps of guts on the mirror
"If anything, I'd say he'll eat these guys rare!"
But I thought, Nah, forget it! "Yo, bones, to Bel-air!"

I pulled up to the bunker 'bout seven or eight
And I yelled to the cabby, "Yo, bones, smell you later!"
Look at my kingdom, I was finally there!
Gonna gnaw on some brains
Zombie Prince of Bel-air.

Takes you back to your youth, no? Be sure to check out the M.A.D. woman's masterful tribute to the Brady Bunch; it's truly delicious...

Happy eating, er, I mean reading!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

My Take On: The Song at the Scaffold: A Novel of Holiness and Horror in the Reign of Terror by Gertrude von Le Fort

Amid the chaos and horror of the French Revolution, Blanche de la Force, daughter of a smug unbeliever, enters a Carmelite convent. Blanche is so timorous that she seems unsuited to the rigors of religious life even at the best of times - and horribly misplaced as the Reign of Terror begins to stain France with the blood of a new generation of Christian martyrs.
Sister Marie, one of the leading nuns in the convent, receives with joy the death threats of a ham-handed revolutionary: the sisters are going to be awarded the crown of Christian martyrdom! Sister Marie prepares the other nuns for this fearsome sacrifice, all the while harboring doubts about Blanche's ability and willingness to join them in giving up their lives for Christ.
Blanche's life thereafter and the story of the nuns take more than one unexpected twist, leaving you not only with the inspiring, true example of their martyrdom, but also with a penetrating insight into the nature of holiness. The spiritual acuity and deep compassion of author Gertrud von Le Fort make The Song at the Scaffold a unique meditation - as well as a powerfully moving novel, written with unusual dramatic force. It will make your soul surge with renewed and fervent love for God!
It took me awhile to get around to reading this book. Partly because of the format, a series of letters written  by a witness to the horror, and partly because of the subject; that of martyrdom. It's a rather odd phenomenon that I wasn't sure I understood. I have a hard time understanding martyrs. I love GOD, but to die rather than denounce Him? I'm not sure I have the courage, and I didn't really want  to think about what I would choose if it came down to that; my life or the eternal love of God. To actually step back and look at yourself like that, to ask yourself how far you'd go, it's not easy and it's not comfortable. However, it's by looking inward and asking the uncomfortable questions that we grow.
But I digress.

This story is about Blanche de La Force, a ferociously fearful girl who had no trust in the world around her and, literally, saw death around every corner, yet the main part of the narrative focused on Sister Marie, the exact opposite of Blanche. She was fearless and brazen and even looked forward to the chance of becoming a martyr. Through the contrast of these two characters I learned to appreciate and better understand martyrdom. It is not, as Sister Marie saw it, something to strive for, it's a sacrifice that you choose to make, if and when the moment of hardship comes, for the love of God. A statement that embodies the life Blanche lived every day by embracing the her unfathomable fear.
As for the book itself, the format, which I had formerly been so unsure of, made it feel as though I were a part of the story, like the letters were written to me. It wasn't the best writing I've ever seen, that's for certain, but it was impactful. When a twist in the plot would arise, I would fear for the characters as if they were real, though this could be because, in some sense, they were. This novel is essentially a work of fiction, yet it tells a true story at the same time. Religious men and women were persecuted during the French Revolution. They were put to death. And by telling the story through Blanche, something more than the story was told; the people's fear and the very atmosphere of fear that permeated that era are told.

During the story, Blanche struggles with her fear; praying for courage, attempting to hide it from those around her, until, finally, she comes to embraces it wholeheartedly. Her superiors, due to her fearfulness and the political atmosphere, struggle with the decision of whether to let her stay on at the convent or send her home to where thy believe she will be safest.
During one such discussion with the Prioress of the convent, Blanche reveals her feelings concerning her fear:
"Look at me," [the Prioress] commanded. Blanche dropped her hands from her small, tortured face that held only a single expression of endless depth. The Prioress hardly recognized her. A series of quite unconnected images suddenly floated before her; little dying birds, wounded soldiers on the battlefield, criminals at the gallows. She seemed to see not Blanche's fear alone, but all the fear in the world.
"My child," she said brokenly, "You cannot possibly harbor within yourself the fear of the whole universe --" She stopped.
The was a brief silence. Then Madame Lidoine said almost shyly, "You believe then that your fear -- is religious?" Blanche sighed deeply. "O Reverend Mother," she breathed, "consider the secret of my name!"
Some of the Carmelite sisters had names that referred to the life of Jesus. Sister Marie's full name, for instance, was Sister Marie de l'Incarnation, and their names pointed toward how the Spirit would embody Itself in their lives. Blanche was named after the Agony in the Garden of Gethsemane. She truly believed that her fear was of Divine birth and that it was hers to bear as penance for the world1. It was interesting to think of it that way, and it added yet another layer to the story and my understanding of that period of history and of those brave women. They embrace what ever challenge may arise and offer it up at the foot of the Cross for the salvation of the world.

So, in conclusion! Not only did it take me a while to start reading this book, it also took me some time to digest it, as well. Only after having pondered over it for a good deal of time have I come to any sort of conclusion as to what I think about it and how I feel. The synopsis does say that it makes for unique meditation, so I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. One thing I've been sure of from the get go, though, is that by the end of this triumphant yet heartbreaking book, I was singing right along with the sisters as they mounted the steps.
I give Song at the Scaffold...
...Three zombies.
A little book with a lot going on. I'd recommend this for anyone wishing to further their understanding of (a) the Revolution or (b) martyrdom. And if you do read it, take the time to mull it over.

Happy reading!
1 Carmelite nuns live penatential lives for the entire world as apposed to doing penance for just themselves. It's a beautiful sacrifice that these real women make, and I only wish that more people were aware of it.
NOTE: I received this book from Sophia Press Institue, free of charge, for review. The views expressed above are my own.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

A Biggie of a Contest

Head on over to Sparkling Reviews for a chance to win a Kindle and, get this, lots of MONEY! It's international and will end two weeks after they reach the 500 follower mark.
Usually I don't go for shameless self promotion, but A) there's a good prize with this one and B) they seem like very nice bloggers, so I highly encourage you to follow their blog and enter their contest! Although, your entries will lessen my odds, so I'm fine if you just follow and don't enter. Ha-ha. However, if you do decide to follow their lovely blog, remember to mention that I sent you, please. Thank you!

Good luck and happy, er, Tuesday!

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Backstreet's Back! (Alright)

Mary Ann DeBorde has challenged me to rewrite "Backstreet's Back" by the Backstreet Boys into a zombie song. I was going to answer the challenge in a comment, but there's actually a lot of lyrics for this song, so I thought a post would be easier.
If you're wondering what sparked this rather odd request, check out Marry Ann's Zombie Month post, which is hilarious, and read the comments.
And now I give you...

"Every Body (Backstreet's Back)"

Every body, uhhn
Rotting body, uhhg
Every body, yuhhh
Rotting bodies rise
Backstreet's back, alright
Hey, uhhn
Oh my God, we're back again
Brothers, sisters, everybody raised
Gonna bring the flavor, you know how
Gotta question for you better answer now, uhhg

Am I visceral?
Am I the moldy one?
Am I intestinal?
Am I everything you eat?
You best infect somebody now
Every body
Rotting body
Every body
Rotting bodies rise
Backstreet's back, alright
Now throw some hands up in the air
Wave them around like you just don't care
If you wanna party let me hear you yell
Cuz we got it goin' on again
Am I visceral?
Am I the moldy one?
Am I intestinal?
Am I everything you eat?
You best infect somebody now

Every body
Rotting body
Every body
Rotting bodies rise
Backstreet's back, alright
So every body, everywhere
Don't be afraid, don't have no fear
I'm gonna tell the world, make you understand
As long as there'll be brains, we'll be comin' back again

Every body, uhhh
Rotting body, uhhn
Every body
Rotting bodies rise (rotting bodies rise)
Backstreet's back
Every body (every body)
Yuhhh (rotting body)
Rotting bodies (every body)
Yuhhh (every body, rotting body)
Every body (every body, rotting body)
Rotting bodies rise (every body)
Backstreet's back, alright

Takes you back to the good ol' days, don't it?

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